I like seeing dreams. They are very interesting and an important part of my life. Well, nightmares are never nice, of course.
I've always had quite realistic-feeling and interesting dreams. They've just gotten more and more realistic over the years. For example, I couldn't feel pain in my dreams when I was a teenager. I got shot in the shoulder in one dream. I felt the bullet go through my shoulder and shatter the bone into tiny pieces. But I didn't feel any pain. But a couple of years after that I got hurt in a dream again, and that time it really did hurt. A mad scientist stabbed my back with an injection needle, and the pain was just like it would have been in the waking world. I know what needles feel like. After that I have always felt pain if I've gotten hurt in a dream.
I've also always had coloured dreams. I was really surprised to find out that not everyone's dreams are in colour. It's baffling to me. I mean, really. How is it possible to have black-and-white or greyscale dreams when most of what a person sees during their life is coloured? I'd like to learn more about this. The only time even a part of my dream has been without colors was when I went to Limbo. Everything was grey there.
I can use all my senses and feelings in dreams. I can see, hear, feel, smell and taste. My feelings range from joy to sadness, from irritation to happiness, from pain to pleasure, from wistfulness to hopefulness, from fear to killing intent. Anything and everything. I have had fun with friends, I have run from monsters, I have been lost, I have read letters, I have eaten, I have slept and woken up, I have had arguements, I have made friends and watch them leave or die, I have loved, I have hated, I have saved worlds, I have been the villain, I have killed and been killed. I have been old, I have been young. I have been pregnant, given birth and raised a kid. I have been myself and many other elses.
The places are often twisted versions of places I know. Sometimes they're so different I can't exactly point out if I know the place or not, sometimes they're very familiar and obvious. And sometimes there are places I've never seen or even heard of.
There are some things that repeat again and again. Mostly places, but other themes and details as well.
-The Light City.
This City looks a lot like the big cities and towns I know, especially Kuopio. White, modern buildings, lots of hills and roads. Usually I have trouble remembering any happenings or details in the dreams that take place in this City.
-The Dark City
This City is darker, usually it's night-time there, and the buildings are older-looking and made of brown stone and wood. I remember the happenings in this City much better. Often I go into the buildings, and sometimes the City may even be given a name by someone in the dream.
-Cliffs (also Mountains).
High, rocky places that I climb, usually with other people. Sometimes we just have fun, sometimes we're actually going somewhere. Sometimes there's a town on a mountain. I often jump down from impossible heights on the Cliff, which is odd considering how badly scared of falling I am in the waking world. Or maybe it makes sense after all.
-The Pond Of Big Fish.
Now this one is bizarre, and one of the most memorable ones. Also one of my favourites, because it's so interesting. It's a very deep pond. Sometimes it's quite big, almost like a lake, sometimes its just a pond. But it's always so deep that exploring its depths would require a very good submarine. And there are very big fish living in it. I'm not talking salmon-type big, but whale-type big. About the smallest fish I have seen in TPOBF looks a bit like a pike, but it's a couple of meters long. The biggest ones are big as whales. There are also big trilobites, or something similar to them. A cross between a trilobite and a manta, perhaps. I never go into the pond, not even on a boat. I just watch from the beach as the gigantic fish rise from the depths and swim around. Sometimes I collect pretty stones from the beach.
-The Forest And Cottage By The Lake.
Not so important, but still worth noting. It's simply a happening place for many dreams. A foresty slope goes down to the lake, and right by the lake there is a house. Very much like every other summer cottage here in Finland.
-The Melted Ice Pond.
(Okay, having difficulties translating that one into English...) Probably my absolute favourite of the recuring places, because the dreams about this place are always fun. It's a hollow (sometimes also a frozen brook) where lots of water gather when the snow and ice melt in the spring. Just imagine it, a pond so big and at places deep that your parents wouldn't like you to go there. Just put you rubber boots on and go splashing there! Poke the tiny icebergs with a stick and watch them float around! Jump on the ice so it breaks and melts faster! Make little streams at the edges of the pond so the water gets moving! These dreams probably come from the many springs in the waking world when I've done that. And when I lived in the countryside, one paddock near our house had a hollow that gathered water just like this. Even with my tallest rubber boots on, the water would at some places be too deep to walk in. Frogs loved to spawn in that pond. And the stream from the pond went under the road to the other side, to a forest clearing, where there was an even deeper pond.
-The High Building.
A very big and maze-like high building. It may be a hotel, a museum, even a ship. Quite often it's a twisted version of one of my old schools. Whatever the Building is, it's full of twisty staircases, elevators, corridors and rooms. Very often it's dark or dim there. Sometimes I'm running away from someone there, though not always in the panick-y escape way; more like a game of tag. Sometimes I'm looking for something or someone, or simply exploring the place. The weird staircases in the Building sometimes seem to cause me more fear of falling than jumping from the Cliff. Weird. The Building is one of the oldest themes, I have seen varitations of it since childhood.
-Space.
Space itself, and everything closely related to it. The Space always gives me a feeling of seeing more, understanding more, it's truly mind-expanding. I may be in a spaceship and go to a planet millions of lightyears away, feeling every lightyear, seeing the whole distance, watching galaxies go by. Or see a meteor coming towards me, see it with bare eyes as clearly as if I was standing next to it. Or talk with aliens, watch them go their planets, sometimes go with them.
-Secret Tunnels.
Found in a house or a castle. Small, narrow tunnels that have to be squeezed through and lead to secret parts of the house. Usually been out of use for a long time. There's always something interesting to be found in the secret places.
-Sailing And Swimming.
Floating on something, going somewhere, just swimming around, exploring, whatever. The boat may vary from raft to yacht to a swim ring.
-Games.
For a life-long video game fan, this is hardly surprising. Whenever I see dreams about Games, it's never quite clear whether I play the game or am in it. Sometimes I play a game in the beginning of the dream, then I go into the game to be part of it.
-Gathering Crystals.
This is not a place, but a theme of what I do. There are incredibly beautiful stones, crystals and half-gems growing right out of the bedrock near me. I collect them joyfully, finding more and more I want to take with me. It's always near a body of water, a couple of times it's even been near TPOBF.
-Time.
Sometimes accompanied by the Space. I find signs of an old culture, or an ancient building made by the aliens, and I see the millenia go by, the aliens leave to their homeworld, the people of the old civilization forget the legends about their past. I haven't seen very many of these, but I still count it as a recuring theme.
-Car-driving.
I don't even have a driving license and don't really know what driving a car feels, but this theme comes back every once in a while. It's just me and the car, going somewhere or getting away from pursuers. The crazy tricks and stunts in chases would make any action movie hero proud.
-Flying.
Well, duh. I have yet to hear of someone who hasn't seen flying dreams. Flying is the oldest theme as far as I remember. It's very dear to me, because I love flying. It's gotten easier over the years. When I was younger, I couldn't fly without something like running down a slope and jumping, or rowing a flying carpet like a boat. As I've gotten older, I can fly easier and easier, it's not so tiring anymore, and I can go higher and faster than before.
-Lost On The Road.
This is always a distressing theme. I'm walking or taking a bus home, and the road feels impossibly long, gets darker and twistier, and I never get where I'm going before I wake up. The road is always the one that led to my home when I lived in the countryside, and it was 5 kilometers to school from there. The bus trip took half an hour, and about half of it was narrow roads through the forest. I just don't understand why these dreams are so nasty and haunt me, because I love both those forests and traveling by bus.
-Red.
The weird or important details in my dreams are often bright red. The shirt of a friend, the tower I was in, the ruins of a house, the car I'm driving... Of course I see all colors in my dreams, but I always notice and remember really well if there's something bright red.
-Trying To Leave.
This dream often comes during spring, when I'm restless and wanting to travel. In the dream I'm planning to leave somewhere, or from somewhere. Once it was after a war and the world had fallen to chaos. I planned to start traveling alone and make a life somewhere else. Once I was tired of this world and wanted to go explore another world through a portal I knew of. In this dream I always start packing my things, thinking about what I will need. There are lots of things, I never finish the packing and get going before I wake up. I kinda like the dreams themselves, the eager-to-go feeling is nice, but I'm always very disappointed when I wake up, because I didn't get on the road in time, and because it was only a dream.
-Lots Of People.
There are almost always lots of people I don't know in my dreams. Watchers, passer-bys, followers, enemies, friends... Sometimes I have familiar people in my dreams, like family or friends, but more often the people in my dreams are total strangers. I might know them
in the dream, but not in the waking world. The numbers of the people range from few to hundreds. Sometimes there are fictional characters in my dreams.
-Trees.
Not forests, but specific trees that I climb into, hide in, make a wood house in or admire the height of. This is quite a new theme, only a few years old, but it's recuring enough to mention.
-Running Away.
Not, in fact, a nightmare, or even a distressing dream. It's like a game of tag, even though the pursuers are serious enemies. I never run away alone, it's always with a friend or several people. The place may be an open place like a town centre, or a maze-like Building. These dreams are fun.
-Sex.
Or actually masturbating. I don't remember ever really making love to someone in a dream. Either I never get to the actual intercourse with the person I'm with, or I just masturbate alone. Damn. Fun nonetheless.
Some themes are specific to my life situation, like the two current nightmares/distressing dreams. The other one is School. Not any of the earlier schools I've gone to, but Lybecker, where this burnout and depression developed. In the dreams I enroll there again, or continue studies from where I left them. It feels awful to study there again even though I'm so sick and tired of it all. Waking up from School is a relief, but the memory of the dream usually dampens my mood for the rest of the day. The other distressing theme is Mother. As one earlier journal post shows, I really dislike my mother. In the dreams she harasses me again and again, demanding attention, ranting out her self-pity, wanting me to babysit, do housechores, be her slave with no respect... just like it was when I lived with her, and long afterwards. Usually I just do my best to avoid her and do my best to fend her off as politely as possible when confronted by her. These dreams show just how badly school and mother have tormented me.
I can't come up with anything else to say on this matter at the moment. Maybe in some later post I'll write about specific dreams. At least written down I wouldn't forget them so fast myself.